Tuesday December 21, 2010

I have the week off, today took my boys to see "Tron". It was nice to get out and spend some time with them. I think it was good for us.

I had a really hard time sleeping last night all I could think about was of Devaun. I thought I had heard his voice calling out "mom" and I will turn to look for him, but then realized it was probably just in my dream.

Now that things have quieted down it seems like it is harder for me. I am really sad and missing Devaun and cry off and on no matter where I am at. I guess its just part of the grieving process. I am just going to take it a day at a time and cherish the time that I have with Peyton and Kaden. Life is short and I have to kiss, hug and love my kids even more.

Sunday December 19, 2010

Today was the funeral. We had a buddhist funderal, it went really nice. There were so many people there that had showed up during the viewing and the funeral. Devaun had touched so many lives all young and old. I am so honored to have raised such a wonderful loving boy. But so sad he had to leave us so soon. I know that he is a better place now and we will meet him again someday. I will miss him so much.

We just have to remember all the good times we had with him and will always keep him in our hearts. I know that the boys and I still have a long road ahead of us. But talking about it with each other will definitely help us all.

Now we have to go through the healing period....

Thanks everyone again for all the love and support through it all. I am so glad that Devaun was able to make it to Disneyland and Legoland with all the people that he wanted there. Because of you all, all of us were able to go. Thank you so so so much!!!

Saturday December 18, 2010

Yesterday we went to dress Devaun in his suit. It was hard but glad we did it. He looks so handsome and peaceful. I still cant believe that Devaun is gone, but glad that he is no longer in pain.

I tried putting some of his toys away the other night and couldnt do it. It was too hard for me, I guess when I am ready to. That time will come.

We had a Buddhist blessing for him last night. It went really well. It was nice to see faces of people that I havent seen for a long time and loved the positive, happy, loving energy that was around.

Today we will be running around and getting things ready for the viewing later today.

Thursday Decemeber 16, 2010

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. I know Devaun is in a better place now, he is no longer in pain and is with his grandpa.

The viewing will be at Larkins Sunset Gardens on Saturday from 3:00- 5:00pm and the funeral service will be on Sunday 1:00-3:00pm.

His obituary will be in the papers tomorrow (Friday).

Wednesday December 15, 2010

Today is a very sad day for everyone. My little Devaun had passed away and is now with his grandpa. He had passed very peacefully.
I didnt think it was going to be so soon cause he was alert and talking yesterday, but I guess he was ready to go.

He had a great life, in the short amount of time that he was here. He is loved by so many people. For everyone that knew Devaun they will miss his contagious smile and loving personality.

Devaun is in a better place now. He is no longer in pain or suffering from the horrible cancer. I will miss him terribly but I know we will see each other again soon. He will always be with us in spirit and I'm sure he will visit his brothers from time to time.

I am so thankful for all the love and support from everyone, especially through tough times like this. As a parent it never crosses your mind that you would ever go through something like this. You always think that your children will out live you. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Devaun was brought here for a reason, he has done what was needed here on earth and now returning to heaven. He will be missed and is loved by many.

For those that would like to attend his funeral, it will be at Larkin Sunset Gardens in Sandy, on Sunday December 19th. Unsure of the time but will keep everyone updated.

Tuesday December 14, 2010

Today on the way to dropping the boys off to school. Kaden asked me why the doctors just couldnt cut the cancer out of Devaun. I had to explain to him that even if they had taken it out of one spot, it still has spread to other areas of his body that they wouldnt be able to take it out from and there are no medicines right now that can make it go away. Peyton and Kaden both said that they are going to miss their brother a lot. I said that I am going to miss him too but we have to remember all the happy and good times and that Devaun will be in heaven with his grandpa and he wont have the cancer or be in pain anymore.
I am really glad that the boys feel like they can open up and talk to me about their feelings and cry if they feel like they need to cry. I am so lucky that I have such wonderful, caring and loving boys.

I didnt go to see Devaun but Jerre and his brothers had gone over there to visit him and watched "Dispicable Me". The boys were waiting for that movie to come out on DVD.

Devaun is doing okay today but a little drowsy. Probably from the meds.

He slept really well last night and didnt wake up from any pain. Since the nurse had increased the dosage, he is not in as much pain. Was also a little more chatty than yesterday. Which is always nice to hear.

Right now he is spending some quality time with Luv. I think its really important for Devaun and his mom to have some alone time with each other, it is good for both of them.

Monday December 13, 2010

The boys and I took the day off to spend some time with Devaun. Before we decided to take the day off, Peyton and Kaden asked me about Devaun and why he looks the way that he does. I had to explain to them that their brother wasnt going to be able to fight the cancer and that he was going to go to heaven with their grandpa and that Devaun won't be in anymore pain or suffering when he is in heaven. It was so hard for me to see them in tears, crying for their brother. I try to explain as much as I can and also answer any questions they have. I believe the more we are open to talk about it the easier it will be for the boys to deal with.

It was nice and quiet at the house. Devaun was hanging out watching tv with Luv and Sone. He had a rough night last night and was in a lot of pain.

The hospice nurse and doctor came over today to check up on Devaun. Afterwards they talked to me and Luv and said told us that we will start noticing that he will be really anxious and irritable and probably won't feel like having people around much. They also said that he has maybe a week to a week and a half left. I just dont want him to be suffering anymore and want him to be in peace. Its hard for everyone to see him how he is.
A little later Devaun asked Shawn to read his new book "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" to him. The boys listened as Shawn read til Devaun fell asleep, resting peacefully. It was good that he wanted to listen to a story rather than watching tv or playing video games. I think he really enjoyed it.

Luv and I had Shawn stay with Devaun and the boys while we went out to buy a suit and shoes for Devaun for when that time comes. It was hard, but that day is coming and we had to be prepared. We talked and cried, and are both at peace with Devaun passing.

Devauns teacher Ms. Tamra Fuhriman came over and visited him. It was really nice. Devaun was up and alert and talking to her. She had brought gifts over for him and his brothers and he seemed like he really enjoyed seeing her there.

The night ended watching "Dragon Hunters". The night quiet and peaceful for Devaun. Which is what he needs right now.

We are taking it a day at a time, giving him lots of love and kisses and just cherish every moment we have with him.